Divorces are on the rise, especially after the pandemic struck and couples were cooped up together for an extended period of time. For some, this time together came as a blessing, but for others, it opened a pandora’s box of complexities that were beyond navigation to find any solution. Issues that were otherwise swept under the rug were aggravated, and with nothing to serve as a distraction or a way to get away to cool down, couples were forced to deal with the issues by seeking separation. But the divorce process has never been easy, be it on paper or its impact on the mental health of the parties. This is where a mediator comes into play. Lorie D. Wood Spiers, Certified Divorce Specialist and Life Coach has been acing this role by coaching individuals on how to cope with the emotional aspects of the process and plan their lives post-divorce.
In the past 30 years, Lorie has helped countless people navigate different aspects of divorce proceedings. Before venturing into the coaching profession, she worked in the legal field, where most of her time was spent in the family law arena assisting clients who were going through difficult situations like divorce and custody. Having experienced the difficulties of divorce herself, Lorie felt she had a ton of insights that she could offer to people struggling with related scenarios.
With this intent, Lorie established Roseville Paralegal Services in 2007, to help people chart new courses and aided many more in treading the path back to their marriage. With vast experience backing her, she guides clients in navigating the emotions that come with such difficult situations and helps them avoid making permanent decisions based on temporary emotions. Apart from being a Certified Divorce Coach, Lorie is a Certified Mediator from the National Association of Certified Mediators. She focuses on Individuals, as well as groups, couples, and family coaching. Furthermore, besides a well-curated blog, Lorie runs an efficient podcast in which she shares her insights related to divorce and its various aspects.
Not all challenges in a relationship can be tackled alone. In fact, more couples than ever before are seeking external help when going through a rough patch in their relationship. Divorce mediation has grown in popularity and become a more affordable and harmonious way to deal with divorce. The benefits of mediation normally help with the agreement, lessen expenses and conflict, and lead to a successful and enduring settlement. Lorie began to connect with the clients during her time in court. The clients started to feel comfortable telling her about their journey, what they were going through, and what they felt. Making life-altering decisions during this state of mind is not the best course of action, and people need someone who can tell them that. She found herself coaching them and helping them create tools to navigate the next chapter of their lives. Lorie explains that she does more than file and process the divorce. As a Divorce Coach Specialist, she helps divorcees deal with the emotions they experience during the divorce. Sometimes, she also mediates and helps them find a way to communicate with their ex-partner post-divorce.
“Divorce is difficult, overwhelming, and stressful no matter what stage of the process. One of the approaches that I follow as a mediator is to help those who want to go through an uncontested divorce with paperwork. But most of them do not know how to feel unstuck, how to move past the anger, depression, and anxiety. So, I hold their hand, act as a listener, and brainstorm to design the next chapter of their lives,” Lorie says. With marital mediation, she intends to provide a safe space for both parties and allow them to look at things in introspection. Almost 3 percent of the clients she caters to decide to give their marriage a shot, and for those who want to proceed with the divorce, she helps mediate a settlement and gets the paperwork done.
Communication is Key
Divorce is not a decision that a couple arrives at overnight. With it comes a flurry of emotions, including anger, hurt, distress, denial, and sadness. Lorie believes that the primary factor behind divorces is that both partners are rarely on the same emotional page. While one partner may be functioning under the notion that there is nothing wrong with the marriage, the other may be considering getting a divorce for a long time. Therefore, communication is very important in a marriage to see if there is a chance to salvage it.
Lorie believes that there are no winners in the court when it comes to divorce cases. Therefore, helping people avoid the stress of court and reach an agreement amicably has a lot of value. Plus, you can be in control of your settlement when it is handled amicably. “Marital mediation is something that I have created. The aim is to help keep a marriage strong, yet, if the parties have exhausted all the avenues, help them with the paperwork and reach a divorce settlement, amicably,” Lorie said while speaking with WomLEAD Magazine.
Word of Advice
Going through a divorce is one of the most challenging moments in any adult’s life. Lorie advises young women to think and act before taking a big step like divorce if they feel that their marriage is healthy and not abusive. At the same time, if you have communicated and tried everything and it did not work, then move forward, but try to end it amicably. At the same time, “know that there is life after divorce, and you will be okay.” Lorie wants to continue providing a safe place for people to navigate their emotions in difficult times. Whether it be a break-up, divorce, or other difficulties, she has decided to remain loyal to her passion, help others live their best lives, and support them in creating a road map to get there. She also wants to do more podcasting and keep on saving marriages “here and there”.
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